9 commandments of Manhood

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9 commandments of Manhood

Postby cyber » Wed Aug 08, 2007 1:26 pm

1. Thou shall not be a pussy
This means no bitching when you have to do a job that is undesirable. There were men in WWII who fought Nazis in a blizzard with no shoes. Did they complain? Hell no, they fucking killed Nazis. When given the choice between complaining and killing Nazis, real men always choose the latter.

2. Thou shall not be pussy whipped
Never let a woman define you as a man. Also, never let a woman carry your balls in her purse. Too many guys out there continue to haphazardly break this rule for sex. Those guys don’t deserve sex… they deserve a slap. The type of slap John Wayne used to knock guys out with.

3. Thou shall not defile the word of bacon
Bacon is, quite simply, the law. Without it, even the great Red Forman is kind of girly. I know… some people’s religions forbid bacon. However, this rule forbids the forbidding of bacon, therefore trumping all. Do not try to argue with the logic of manhood. You will only get peed on.

4. Thou shall not turn down a duel
Ever. It doesn’t matter if it is a knight who shows up on your doorstep after you have defiled his maiden wanting a sword fight or a drunk at the bar challenging you to go shot for shot… you should always be up for the contest. Turn down a duel and you might as well turn in your penis. You won’t be needing it after women find out you’re a woman too.

5. If a woman needs a door opened…
God dammit, do it! This does not fall under the category of “pussy whipped”. It is called having some fucking manners. A woman should never have to open a door on her own. They are much too frail. Opening doors is a mans job.

6. Thou shall not cry
Men don’t cry. They reluctantly shed tears when their dog dies or favorite sports team loses. The only other time a man is permitted anything close to crying is when his best friend gets killed by terrorists and he fires out tears of rage before hunting down and ass-raping those responsible with a large wooden effigy of Thomas Jefferson.

7. Thou shall eat fire
Men never order their food “mild”. It must be excruciatingly, painfully, downright frighteningly hot. That is the only way a true man can enjoy his food. If you are eating something that won’t shoot fire out of your ass in three hours, you are wasting a meal. Punch yourself in the balls.

8. Thou shall bleed and love it
A real man will bleed daily. It is just in his nature to accidentally fuck himself up on a regular basis. It is what we do. It is our zen experience. There is nothing better in this world to help a man feel alive than the sight of his own blood. Even the site of an enemies blood doesn’t compare.

9. Thou shall mark your territory
If you own something that you haven’t peed on, it is not really yours. Electronic equipment is an exception. Women… well, you’re on your own when it comes to that. Don’t go getting your balls cut off over some funny shit you read on the internet…
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